The Gap and the Gain: Progress Over Perfection

Last week, we explored “Necessary Endings,” and this week I’ve been reflecting on the next step: progress over perfection. After all, you can’t just end something, start anew, and expect to master it instantly! As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve spent years learning to release the need to “get it right” all the time. It’s been life-changing

What Is Perfectionism?

Here’s the definition that resonates most with me:

"Perfectionism is a trait that makes life an endless report card on accomplishments or looks. When healthy, it can be self-motivating and drive success. But when unhealthy, it’s a fast and enduring track to unhappiness. What makes extreme perfectionism so toxic is that it focuses on avoiding failure rather than achieving success, creating a negative mindset. Affection and approval become conditional on flawless performance." – Psychology Today

Sound familiar? For me, being stuck in this mindset often meant avoiding challenges that stretched me. But the truth is, growth lives outside your comfort zone, and staying in it for too long leads to stagnation.

Tackling Perfectionism Head-On

Let me take you back four years, to the day my first TED Talk was published. I can still remember the nerves—was I really about to film a TED Talk in my house?! I’d prepared intensely but had never been in front of a camera like that. (Yes, perfectionist Patrice loves to dive in headfirst sometimes.)

When the talk finally went live, I felt physically sick. Watching myself on screen was torture. Reading the comments? Even worse. My first experience of online trolling hit like a sucker punch, and it seriously shook my confidence. I clung to the words of my inner circle:

"Some people dream of giving a TED Talk and don’t have the courage or opportunity. You’ve done it—own that!"

Fast forward three years to my TEDx Shoreditch Talk. This time, I’d grown. Same topic, more evolved—Reverse Mentoring 2.0. But then came another setback: it took 10 months for TED to approve the video. Watching everyone else’s talks go live while mine sat in limbo was crushing. When it finally came out, it was spotlighted on TED’s YouTube page—a huge moment! But the trolls came back, and the sting was just as sharp.

I realised I’d let those voices overshadow a major milestone. I didn’t shout about my second TED Talk, not because it wasn’t a big deal, but because I was caught up in the Gap—what wasn’t perfect—instead of celebrating the Gain.

From the Gap to the Gain

One of my mentors recommended a book that changed everything for me: The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan. The premise is simple yet profound: when we set big goals, we often focus on how far we are from achieving them (the Gap), instead of appreciating how far we’ve come (the Gain).

At first, I thought this was a cop-out. But as an entrepreneur, I realised how crucial it is to shift my mindset. Otherwise, the endless to-do list and undefined limits could quickly lead to burnout. By reframing and measuring progress, I found a healthier way to sustain growth.

This Week’s Reminder: Focus on the Gain

Wherever you are on your journey, remind yourself to:

1. Celebrate progress: Reflect on how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go.

2. Set big goals: Dream big, but learn your way toward them. Don’t let perfectionism paralyse you.

3. Take courageous action: Putting yourself out there takes guts, but it’s the only way to grow.

Pro Tip: Be a Positive Voice

Social media is full of trolls, but there are far more supporters than haters. Make it a habit to lift up those you admire—leave a kind comment, share their work, or simply say, “I see you.” Your words might be exactly what they need.

This Week’s Inspiration

I highly recommend this podcast with Jay Shetty and Jamie Kern Lima

Remember, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about progress. Keep going—you’ve got this.

With love and determination,

Patrice

Book a call if you would like to explore how I can help you get unstuck and move in the Gain Zone