There’s been a theme circling lately — and not just in my own life. Conversations, coaching sessions, WhatsApps and DMs all seem to be singing the same tune: people are feeling let down.
The Feeling
Let down by friends who disappear when it’s inconvenient.
Let down by professional peers who plagiarise ideas then act brand new.
Let down by people who smile in your face but go radio silent when you ask for support — even something as small as an introduction.
It’s especially poignant coming off the back of Easter. That’s been sitting heavy with me. Because in my own life — and in the lives of people around me — there’s been some subtle, modern-day Judas energy. And yet, there’s also been rebirth. Re-evaluation. Redirection.
So today’s reflection is part love letter, part tough love, and part strategy. Let’s talk about how we assess our relationships — and how to hold space for the truth, even when it stings.
People aren’t always who they seem
I’ve had moments recently where people I thought were close just… weren’t. People who say they love what I do but can’t bring themselves to press like, let alone make a warm intro when it costs them nothing.
On the flip side? A woman with 30,000 followers popped into my inbox this week. No like. No prior chat. Just:
“I saw you spoke at Harvard. That’s my target market. Can we jump on a call?”
Now, I could’ve dismissed it — but actually, I respect the boldness. So I’m taking the call. Not every relationship has to be deep. Not every connection needs to be a soul contract. Sometimes it’s OK to be intentionally transactional. Sometimes, clarity is connection.
But if someone claims to be your people, and can't show up for you in even the smallest of ways? That’s data.
So...How do we evaluate our relationships?
Here are three frameworks I’ve been using myself — because I refuse to stay salty, but I also refuse to be naive.
💡 Framework 1: Relationship ROI
What have I invested in this relationship? (Time, energy, visibility, support)
What’s come back? (Not tit for tat — but does it nourish me?)
Do I feel uplifted or unseen after our interactions?
Not every relationship needs to be “profitable,” but they shouldn’t bankrupt you either — emotionally, energetically or professionally.
Framework 2: The Shoe-Flip Test
This one is so telling.
Before you give that intro, share that resource, or offer your time, ask:
“If I needed this same thing from them — and they said no, or ignored me — how would I feel?”
If you’d shrug and move on? Great — you’re giving freely, from a full cup. But if you’d feel used, overlooked or invisible — pause. Reconsider. That discomfort? It’s data
Framework 3: The Overflow Principle (aka Give From Your Fullness)
Here’s the truth I’ve been sitting with since January:
You give from your overflow.
Not your scraps. Not your soul. Not the parts you actually need for yourself. From. Your. Overflow.
The mistake many of us make (especially women) is giving from our last reserves. Then when it’s not reciprocated, we spiral. We start questioning our worth. We wonder why they didn’t show up.
But when you operate from overflow, you know that even if it’s not returned, you’re still OK. You’re abundant. You’ve got more where that came from.
Be honest about what you need and what you are not getting
I’ll be real with you. I’ve been on both sides of this. There are times when I could’ve done more, followed up, made the intro, offered the help. And I didn’t. That’s hard to admit. But it’s also growth.
And then there are times where I’ve shown up, lifted others, made space at tables — and when I needed someone to do the bare minimum? Silence.
That kind of silence is loud. And when it happens, I do two things:
I hold the mirror up to myself — am I being who I expect others to be?
I hold the boundary up to them — are they still in alignment with the life I’m building?
Not everyone is. And that’s OK. You’re allowed to grieve the loss of a version of someone you thought you knew — and still choose to evolve without them.
Some resources to support you:
The Seat of the Soul - Gary Zuklav
Final Thoughts:
You are not too much for asking for reciprocity.
You are not bitter for noticing patterns.
You are not wrong for stepping back.
And you don’t need to become cold just to stay safe — but you do need to get clear.
Keep giving. Keep shining. Keep building.
But do it from your overflow, with intention, and with people who truly see you.
With Peace, Love and Determination
Disclaimer:
While this week’s reflections came from moments of disappointment, I want to be clear — my inner circle is small, intentional, and filled with love. I’m incredibly blessed to be supported by people who show up “just because” — many of whom I’ve never even met in person. So this is also a gratitude check. Because when we’re in our feelings, it’s easy to forget: the good far outweighs the bad.
This is your reminder — and mine — to focus on the abundance, not the absence.
💜 Last Week
Harvard Kennedy School’s Women in Power Conference — and I was genuinely delighted that the session went ahead, especially in light of Harvard’s response to the administration.
I connected — both deeply and playfully — with so many phenomenal women. I left feeling energised, inspired, and reminded of the power of purposeful gathering.
